Separate the cause first
| Cause | Sign | First step |
|---|---|---|
| Bedtime is too early | Lying awake more than 45 minutes, but sleeping fine once asleep | Move bedtime to the real onset time, then walk it back |
| Unclear routine | A different order every night, endless 'one more thing' requests | A 3-4 step routine in a fixed order, always the same |
| Separation is hard | Crying when alone in the room, constant calling out | Increase distance gradually, starting in the room |
What a routine that works looks like
- Keep it short: 20-30 minutes is enough; a routine that stretches feeds wakefulness.
- Never change the order: bath, pyjamas, two books, lights. When the sequence is predictable the body starts preparing.
- Make the ending definite: the 'last book' really is the last. A routine extended once will be asked to run longer tomorrow.
- Keep screens outside the routine: none in the last hour.
- Keep the room cool, dark and quiet; if a night light is needed, keep it dim and constant.
Night-time exits
If your child leaves the room repeatedly, minimising conversation and returning them with the same sentence works: 'it's sleep time, I'm here'. The point is not opening a new negotiation — placing drinks, toilet trips and cuddles inside the routine in advance removes most of the reasons to come out. In some families a 'one ticket' method helps: one call-out per night, and once it's used it's gone.
Shifting bedtime
Trying to move sleep onset earlier directly usually fails, because the body isn't ready. What works is the reverse: make bedtime the hour your child actually falls asleep, establish quick onset there for a few nights, then move it 15 minutes earlier every three or four days. As long as the wake time stays fixed, the shift holds.
Common questions
Should I stay until my child falls asleep?
Staying isn't wrong, but if it becomes a permanent condition your child will look for the same condition when they wake in the night. A middle path is gradual withdrawal: a few nights beside the bed, then in the middle of the room, then at the door. Steps of three or four nights usually hold.
Will cutting the nap improve night sleep?
It depends on age. Under three, cutting the nap usually produces overtiredness and a worse night. Over four, if sleep onset is very late, shortening or moving the nap earlier can help.
Is a bedtime snack necessary?
Going to bed hungry disrupts sleep, but so does a large meal immediately before. Something light at the start of the routine is enough. Feeding in bed can become associated with sleep and lead to the same request on night wakings.
Should I use melatonin?
That's a decision for a doctor; starting it yourself isn't advised. Behavioural adjustments are sufficient for most children and are the first step to try before any medication.